I constantly replay this line in my head, '“Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?” I deliberate this notion when it comes to cities and where we decide to live. I loved New York. I still feel like a New Yorker. It’s a flag I’d gladly adorn myself in. The city has an energy that I embodied. It was the motivation for getting up in the morning. It was the pulsation that kept you up later than you knew you should have on a Wednesday night. I left New York though. I felt compelled to escape it for some reason; I wanted to taste life on 1.5x speed rather than the 2x speed that New York assumes. It was that last 45 days when I made the decision to leave that the deepest sense of pride and tribalism set in. Every meal had a deeper spiritual meaning. Every coffee from the barista represented something special. The hum of the streets sang like sweet jazz where as before it was as much a nuisance as a neighbor’s crying baby. That flight out was a tough moment. It was the point where excitement and emotional strength converged to forge off the tears of sadness and gripping uncertainty that I felt for my future. Moving to LA was not the first time my visceral instincts had taken over to guide me to make a big life decision and it surely wouldn’t be the last time.
The confluence of lockdowns, competing ideologies, a bet on the future and a distinct moment of chaos led us (not me) to make the next move. LA and California felt like it was in a moment of decline - a gated community of those who had and a bubbling frustration of those who did not. The inequality gap felt bigger here than anywhere else and yet we felt we were somewhere in the middle being forced to project out what our future would look like in a city that was changing so rapidly. The homeless and petty crime was creeping into our neighborhood, you could see it stretch along the main thoroughfare. The housing prices kept going up. The public schools and public works didn’t seem to be improving yet tax requirements were rising. Oh, and the virtue signaling was unrelenting. These were our catalysts. We made a move when our hearts and minds were distracted. We got away from LA and spent the fall in Austin. We loved our time there but it was a hiatus, a sprint, a fantasy of Texas affairs. Who knew if it was real or we were lured in by the hype, but as a visceral couple its all we needed to make the call.
As we pack up our belongings and we have our 30 day wind down ahead of us, the doubts creep back in. Are we doing the right thing? Are we making change for the right reasons? Will we be happy there? Beyond that, it’s the feelings of loss that are the hardest to bare. We’ll miss the weather, the beaches, the mountains, our picture perfect neighborhood (minus the occasional riff raff), the quaintness, our friends, our apartment, our routine, our comfort. Those feelings of loss are inevitable. They are part of the change process. They are the inescapable motions we have to endure to get to the other side. The side that excitement, optimism and adventure resides. Leave as gracefully as you arrive they say. To the lone star state we go, but first, we soak up the remaining California sun.
Beautiful. Enjoy the rest of your time in LA brother. I’m Excited for you in this next chapter ahead.