Preparing for the Big Change
I met with our rabbi yesterday who will be the mohel for my son’s Bris. We were talking about the importance of documenting and savoring these early life milestones, creating traditions for our families and encasing special moments of our lives in the written word (like this). You only get to have your first child once and so these feelings are powerful, profound and then soon diluted as life accelerates in a blink of an eye. If you don’t explore and ossify them then they get swept into the bottom drawer of our past. Therefore, I want to record these thoughts as we embark on the final push.
I’ve been asking every parent I know, “take yourself back to the month leading up to your first child, how did you prepare mentally for it? What was going through your mind?” Everyone seems to share similar feelings - there’s no real way to prepare, it just turns your world upside down all at once.
The questions in my mind about Laurelle and I as parents will cope are endless but worthwhile to explore:
How do we balance our own needs with the needs of this child?
How do we balance the demands of work with the burden of child care?
How do I find the right balance of presence at home so that I’m there for the most important moments?
Will this experience bring us even closer to our Jewish heritage?
Will this experience create an evolutionary change in our minds forever? How is this going to change our priority set?
Then there’s the questions in my mind about raising the child:
How do we give the best of ourselves to this child without burdening it with our worsts?
How do we protect this bundle of atoms in the early years of it’s life?
How do we raise this kid so that he values the things that matter in life?
What questions am I not asking that I should be right now before we even meet the kid?
I know there’s no true way to prepare mentally for this shift but I’m enjoying the process of at least thinking through it. I’ve read the books, I’ve watched plenty of social media posts and had many of day dreams about the process but I’m excited for getting tossed into the unknown. As odd as it sounds to put out in the world, I feel ready.
I find myself opening the nursery door and looking at the finished room - envisioning what it’s going to feel like when there’s a baby in that room. I’ve been trying to explore what it will feel like when I’m slowly closing that door after the baby’s quiet despite crying for hours and I’m sleep deprived and have to work in four hours. I’ve also been envisioning the heart tugging of watching this little thing grow up that I only have so much control over protecting and recognizing it will find its way in the world. I have high hopes for what this kid will become but I’ve also learned that you can’t impose your will on your child.
So when I was leaving the Starbucks after spending time with the rabbi, he left me with one last nugget. The rabbi said, “The greatest gift you can give your child is self-esteem.” Considering Laurelle and I have a little too much confidence at times, this kid should be ok in that department!