Restoring Faith
This morning I was ordering a rainy Monday morning crepe at a local cafe when I was approached by a homeless guy at the storefront window. I had my headphones in and he was trying to talk to me. I could make out from his lips that he was asking for money. I gave him the “no, no” hand wave as if to say, please don’t bother me right now. He tried to plead with me through the window so I took my headphones off. He went on to reason that he didn’t want money, he just wanted some food. I thought about it for a second and then told him that I’d buy him a crepe. He wanted something sweet, not savory. He then asked me something interesting, “can we talk while I eat?” My heart kind of flipped. I thought what an odd request. I told him that I was busy (I wasn’t actually but I was reading my morning articles and getting geared up for the day.) I thought about it again and told him, “yeah, let’s talk.” My empathy wavelengths were pulsating and I wanted to hear his story. These are the stories that I often find so fascinating and so few that I spend the time to listen. This is the human side of the homeless epidemic.
We ended up talking for about ten minutes while he gobbled down my charity crepe. He also asked for a glass of milk (I guess if you give a mouse a cookie 🤣 - kidding I was happy to give it to him). His name is Caleb and he’s 26. He told me that he was a bad kid growing up. He got kicked out of his house, tried to get jobs but always got fired for having a bad attitude and then got into drugs, specifically K2 and Cocaine. He told me all about his enjoyment of his drug selection, living on the streets and how he just can’t get out of this spiral. He even said the word “spiral;” it’s a real thing. I tried to give him a pep talk about cleaning up and getting straight and getting into society to contribute. He conceptually got it but I don’t think it really sank in. He had real reasons why it was too hard. I hope to the highest heavens something changes for him, but I’m just trying to be realistic of those low probabilities. This experience reminded me of a lesson I learned on Friday after listening to some Torah wisdom. The rough story goes like this:
A young yeshiva kid was approached on the street by a young adult holding a sign that said, “need money, I’m homeless.” The man had that look of insincerity about him. He must have fallen into bad habits, self-induced poverty if you will. Drugs, violence or something else that felt different than someone down on their luck. The yeshiva boy surmised that giving this man money wouldn’t change his situation as if he didn’t “deserve it.” The yeshiva kid thought nothing of the interaction as he’d been approached countless times and helped some and passed on others for charity. No one can give to everyone right?
The next day the yeshiva kid goes to learn at his kolel with his rabbi. While they’re learning, this same man from yesterday holding the sign walks into the kollel (house of study) and solicits them for money. The yeshiva kid once again turns away and thinks, what a nerve for this man to walk into this place of study to beg. The rabbi however, takes out his wallet and hands it to the man and says “G-d bless.” After the man leaves, the yeshiva kid turns to the rabbi and asks why he gave that man money? After all, he didn’t deserve it and he clearly is going to use the money for something other than getting back on his feet. The rabbi says to the kid, “its precisely because he doesn’t deserve it that I gave to him because I hope one day, that G-d will give to me when surely I don’t deserve it either.” Wow, that is faith. That is what humanity is all about.
After my interaction this morning I went into my office, proud of that idea and the manifestation of the lesson I learned. I didn’t have to worry so much about what Caleb was going to do with my advice or how he’d use money he received later in the day. I just had to believe that when I don’t deserve it or I am down on my luck, that someone else will pick me up.