You are as Happy as you let Yourself
This piece about “languishing” by Adam Grant really captured my feelings this morning (Read it here). It summed up this foggy feeling that’s embodied my 2021 so far. We’re supposed to be in the roaring 20’s, ratcheting up full economic growth and living our best lives but somehow everything feels a bit dulled through the looking glass. It prompted me to write about something that’s eternally on my mind: am I happy?
I’m so astutely focused on that core question, am I happy? My favorite mural on Lincoln Blvd screams at you, “Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be,” with a glaring photo of Abraham Lincoln staring you in the eyes. If Abe can be happy ruling a war torn nation through a civil war and still show up to the theatre with his wife happy, then you should be able to be as well. It might not have ended well for Lincoln, but it can for you. We have to source contentment while we’re on this blue marble we call earth and that’s a mental exercise you have control over. Theoretically it’s so easy to say, but in practicality, it is one of life’s deepest challenges. Not only is it the elusive feeling that we constantly seek but it can also be the judgement lens for which you view others to try to make sense of the world order.
When I lived in New York, I would mentally size people up. I’d create fictional stories in my head of the lives they lived and their internal happiness barometers. I’d justify this made up existence and stack rank it to my own. A well dressed business man looks successful but my fictional stories would lead me to believe he has an unhappy marriage - boom he’s no super hero. That woman is tatted up and working in a coffee shop, she must be so present and deeply entrenched in her hobbies that she doesn’t have any time for building a career…is she happier than me? Maybe!
This is classic psych stuff that I’m not proud of and completely violates the notion of not judging a book by its cover. A therapist would be appalled by these ruminations. Nonetheless, this was a coping strategy for me. I still do it and it serves a purpose. It helps me normalize the world. I have a wonderful life, I recognize that and am grateful for all that I have. I am healthy, I have an amazing wife, a cute dog, two healthy parents, a great brother (and his family), two living grandparents, loads of friends and deep relationships, a great job, freedom to explore, travel, and intellectually discover new things. I truly am in a great place in life but I’m no different than anyone else asking the deep questions in life around what will make me happy? What is my purpose here? Am I doing the right things? These are the questions we are pre-programmed as humans to ask and internalize.
Staying present, reiterating gratitude, focusing on the now, remaining hopeful, listening, and many other strategies are time tested to keep you progressing and find contentment in life but at the end of the day, you are as happy as you let yourself be.